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sauna fun (the short version)   
06:36pm 01/08/2007
 
mood: creative
Last night, I enjoyed my first gay sauna experience. I'm calilng myself "bi" at the moment, so this isn't entirely unexpected behavior, but it is new.

So relaxing to be comfortable and confident naked, in a public space where everyone else is content, comfy and (nearly) naked. I swam in the pool without shame at my body, I rested in the Jacuzzi and drifted away enjoying the bubbles playing around my pleasure points.

Coming round, I suddently had to avoid the advances of a middle-aged, obese monster of a man. We’d met in another room and I’d already shrugged him off once, and imagined that my total disregard for his presence, aside from patently avoiding him, would have been enough to prove my disinterest, but he had tracked me down. To my rescue came a slim, dark-skinned boy of model-level looks and I look to him hoping he understands my situation. Once naked and beside me in the bubbles, he shoots glances. We shift closer to one another, and I hope my body language is enough to tell The Monster to leave me well alone. It doesn't work at first, but my new friend and I ward him off by devoting ourselves to each other's pleasure.

I usually don't kiss boys, but this guy was a delight. Tender, but forceful; stronger than a woman, but just as soft, exploratory and playful. The touch of his lips and tongue reminded me of the finest kiss with an ex-girlfriend. the one that felt like coming home. We were hot and hungry for each other. Greedy hands found willing hips and thighs, gentle fingers encircled cocks and stroked the tiny ridges of our assholes. There's no point me saying who did what to whom as it didn't matter to us at the time; We were simply wet, hard, hot and eager to enjoy each other's bodies.

The teenage girl within me, that I didn't realise was there 'til last night, was spinning through hearts and flowers, doing summersaults and girly hops each time I remembered that the guy was gorgeous, with flawless brown skin, small tight muscles, great cheeks and deep eyes. And I remembered every few seconds. We got lost in each other for a time. I held his face and kissed him deeply as he massaged my cock hard in the frothing water.

We headed for the sauna to dry and kiss some more, and then to a dark cubicle in the basement, with padded floor and free lubricant. He lay me down and held my ass in the air as his tongue pressed against my hole. He licked and stroked and pushed and entered... first with the tip of his tongue, then the straining length of it. After forever and not enough of this he lubed his finger and pressed that inside me. I gasped, my breathing deepened, I sighed and demanded more. I wanted his cock and he certainly gave me it. On all fours, crouched, slick and eager, I accepted his wide, long member into me. I felt filled, impaled almost.. 'til I relaxed completely and let him enjoy himself as he willed. Clutching at the floor and shaking and wriggling, I had him push and pound me from behind.

But then a change. I felt wrong. Abused, defeated, lacking, disinterested, dirty, uncomfortable and simply wanted him to stop. So I told him so and he did. I told him to cum in my mouth, and he did. My lips wrapped around him, sucking him as deep as I could take 'til finally his pleasure made me hard too. We jerked together. his lust filling my mouth and coating my cheek, my sudden arousal released too, covering the floor beneath us.

We lay down and shared names, birthplaces, a little experience and more intimacy, but I was done. Complete. Disinterested. I wished he'd had curves, hips, breasts, a vagina, a womb. He wanted me to finger him and I did, but I got bored within moments and wished I could blend these desires within me better to find a woman to love and make love to. I found grand lust in expressing my desire, but my desire should have been for a woman. He kissed me like a woman and I responded to him like a woman myself, so why can't I find a woman to share my (and her) inner male-ness with. I'm no longer afraid of playing both roles, but I must share those roles with one of the opposite sex. Our passion this night was gorgeous and I'm left wondering how to work such beauty into future relations. I wanted cock, but will I continue to? I know a woman can make me happier (it's happened and will happen again) than this lovely boy did although I'm certain another boy cannot compare to this one.
 
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add n to x   
05:21pm 10/07/2007
 
mood: naughty
chemistry is important. you can have the prettiest face, the hottest body, but nothing will guarentee great sex like that undefinable chemical attraction you feel it in your genes & bone marrow. when you can't take your eyes off each other even tho' your socks don't match and your hair's a mess. when you know that your socks don't match and your hairs a mess because you can't keep anything on long enough for it to matter...

so we meet, for coffee. there's conversation but what's said is unimportant. we smile and tease, flirt, jest and just.. KNOW that the summer's going to be a good one, now.

back to mine, in a blur. undressing each other in the full height mirrors, but barely noticing because our hungry mouths keep nipping exposed flesh. I can smell your lust and bury my head between your thighs, pressing you against the cool mirrors. But it's not enough, i can't just have your sex, i need your shoulders, neck, breasts, fingers & thighs as well so I stand and guide you to the bed.

You lie back and let me taste your lips and fingertips. You purr as I stroke your neck with my tongue, letting out a little shriek & sigh as my teeth press gently against the soft flesh. My hands take your breasts.

Rolling over and 'round, you pause, on all fours, low to the bed as your arms and legs are wide open. You slowly wave your behind at me, taunting and inviting at the same time. You buck your hips mocking me, making me want to do the same, but the look in your eyes as you glare at me says "not yet, not yet.."
 
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oh my lust, how it drives me... often headlong into walls   
12:50pm 10/07/2007
 
mood: horny
this raging beast needs both love and restraint
i love my lust. i love what it drives me toward, i love the passion it builds, the intensity it generates and the pleasures given and received that come from that greedy core. I love the release granted when its need is satisfied.

but it's a reckless monster that needs to learn greater patience, to enjoy its own suffering. if i were to remain calm, to wait patiently for the finest people with which to share passion, affection, orgasm and other pleasures, rather than relentless push at the boundaries of strangers, things would be easier and ultimately more fulfilling. This is not to say the beast should be held back, just that its powerful drive should be harnessed for a greater, longer-lasting, more creative good. Lust should be mutated and moulded to form a part of the passion of love.
 
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fit the first   
12:51pm 02/07/2007
 
mood: amused
To kick things off...

I have an ICQ account set up to advertise myself as an Escort. It gets some interest from both men and women, but almost all from abroad. I've not met a single person from it since I set it up this way. At least, not that I hadn't met in person before.

The traffic varies a lot. Most are "timewasters", men (or occasionally women) out for a bit of cyber wank-material. These people are generally unimaginative and don't want to engage in a really rich shared fantasy. personally, I think they're more in lust with their computers or themselves (but now I'm being rude).

Some seem genuinely interested in hiring me, but then don't, for whatever reason. They might be a more advanced version of the first type. They might really be into the idea, but then pull out too soon. It's impossible to tell.

My favorites are the curious friends. They want to know all about the work, about me and are often willing to share their own stories. I've got a couple of new friends this way.
 
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